Why Your Social Anxiety Is Random

We’ve all felt it before.

You’re out with a few friends and you feel locked into the conversation.

Questions leave your mouth effortlessly.

You can piece together your sentences like it’s nothing, and use words that rarely make their way to your verbal vocabulary.

You are the epitome of social charisma and confidence.

But then, there’s those other times.

The times when your brain feels like it was put through a blender, and you’re left to put the pieces back together.

There’s shakiness in your voice.

You’re afraid you’re getting judged.

You can’t think of any of the right words to say.

You just want to get out of here as soon as possible.

Why does this happen?

Let’s start with the more obvious reasons:

• You could’ve not gotten enough sleep the night before, which made you groggy

• You haven’t been in a social situation in a while, so you just need to grease the wheels

• Some people (and this is very important to understand) are genuinely so awkward themselves, that they make you feel awkward due to their awkwardness. And some people you simply will not vibe with. You’re not supposed to get along with, or be able to effortlessly talk with anyone. And that’s okay.

But what about the times where your social anxiety feels totally random, and has nothing to do with the reasons listed above?

In order to understand social anxiety, you have to understand what your body and brain are trying to do:

Keep you safe.

When the brain interprets a social setting as having the potential to embarrass yourself (and thus, be socially isolated), it will start producing the feelings associated with fear in your body.

It does this because social ostracization, for the first few thousands of years humans were on this planet, meant almost certain death.

Essentially: your brain thinks you might die unless you get out of there.

Two things you can do to quell these feelings:

1. Notice what surrounds the scenario:

   What happened to you right before you decided to get into the social situation that made you anxious? What did your thoughts look like? What emotional state were you in?

I encourage you to ask these questions, because the answers to your problems are almost always found in what surrounds the problems, and not the problems itself.

And the more you become aware of what types of thoughts/emotions/feelings trigger your social anxiety, the more you can accept them, and try to stop running away from them.

2. Work through the fear

   Social anxiety usually doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It’s likely that some previous embarrassment or harrassment happened that made your brain become programmed to say: All social situations are potentially dangerous. So any time you approach another one, put your body into fight or flight.

Feel what it feels like to be fearful. Feel the shakiness. Feel the increased heartbeat. Feel the racing thoughts. And tell yourself that it’s completely normal for you to be feeling this way based on past experiences.

When you simply just notice what being anxious and fearful feels like, instead of attaching yourself to it, it no longer has any power over you.

And then, you can work through the fear and anxiety as it’s happening when you’re in a social setting.

How To See Consistent Change

Here’s the thing:

If you get discouraged easily by the inevitable setbacks that will happen in your journey to becoming socially confident, you’re always going to go back to being a socially anxious person.

But it doesn’t have to be that way with the right guidance.

Imagine you were part of a community that lifted you up.

A community that held you accountable for getting better, and gave you the resources you needed to become the most physically, financially, and spiritually fulfilled you’ve ever been.

Kind of like a school, but for self improvement.

I wanted to make this into a reality.

And that is why I created my Self Mastery School.

The Self Mastery School is a place for those who want to actualize their greatest potential, strengthen their self awareness, build better habits, and develop a fulfilling life.

When you join the school, you’ll get access to:

• Full length courses/eBooks

• Weekly coaching calls and lectures (related to self-awareness, making money online, social skills, etc.)

• An exclusive community of ambitious, open-minded people

• In person meetups (coming soon)

Being able to actually apply the advice you receive, and get consistent feedback from like-minded people are the two most important factors in seeing permanent change.

And I’m guessing you feel like you can’t talk to anyone in real life about self-improvement, right?

The friendships in there feel genuine.

And I have a feeling you’re going to find your tribe in there, too.

Here's some wins from our community:

I’ll see you in there.

Quote of The Week

Thanks for reading, everyone. Hope you enjoy your weekend.

-Cole