Why Self-Help Books Are A Waste Of Time (after a certain point)

The Allure Of Self-Help

There I was, in the Amazon top sellers list for “Self-Help” once again.

As I looked through the choices, the anticipation of reading a book that would tickle my brain in a certain way and make me feel like I was being productive induced a dopaminergic reaction on par with eating an entire bar of dark chocolate. (Which, by the way, I do quite often. Highly recommend.)

But why did I think this time would be any different?

I had read all the classics at this point—Think and Grow Rich, The Power Of Habit, Atomic Habits, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck…

And while all of these books are incredible in their own right, they all fall under the same blanket of advice.

• You are the sum of the habits you do—and you can change them through science.

• Stop caring what other people think.

• Write down your goals, have a very specific time frame, and a specific amount of money you want to get to.

• Remove all distractions, and change your identity.

As someone who has been studying self-help for over 6 years now, I had relentlessly applied these teachings already—and I can confidently say that they are a huge part of the reason as to why my fulfillment and finances are the best they’ve ever been.

But what I’ve learned through this is journey, is that, after enough time, there’s an upper limit that can be reached after you’ve read a certain amount of generic self-help books, that represents how much value you will get from the next one you will read.

I’ve represented this limit in the (roughly drawn) graph below.

The only reason one continues to read non fiction self-help books after this point is because:

1. It feels like you’re doing life-changing work (even though you’re not actually doing anything), which produces happy chemicals in the brain.

2. You are stuck in the internet-bubble of self-help, consuming the videos that reinforce the idea that you should only be reading something that gives directly applicable advice.

After this, what would be exponentially more valuable would be to both:

• Re-read the 3-5 self-help books that had the biggest impact on your life

  And

• Venture into a new category of books

And for me, that new category is fiction.

It’s now been about 2 years since I almost completely halted my consuming of non-fiction, and have instead read fictional stories within a variety of different genres.

So, here’s what I learned (and why you might want to do the same).

The Biggest Lessons From Fiction

Piecing Together Your Own Story

One of the biggest selling points for my YouTube channel (which, I know, I talk about a lot) is the stories I tell that are linked to the lessons I want you to take away from them.

When you can resonate with a story that is being told, and maybe even see parts of yourself within that person in the story, it can be one of the greatest tools for self-awareness.

Because maybe you have a general idea of things you know you want to improve upon, or things you’re avoiding, but it doesn’t really click or make sense to you until you hear another person describe it in the form of a story.

That’s what a good fiction book can do as well.

There is, of course, stories attached to the advice found in many self-help books (in fact, this is what most of the best self-help books do.)

But they are almost never the main focal point.

Additionally, fictional books take you on a journey with a character—one of transformation, that reveals all the ugliness, fears, and insecurities that you may be facing, but don’t consciously know it.

And by the end of the story, you’ll have gone through this journey with the character, which will inspire you to go on your own journey as well.

Our lives would have no meaning or coherence without the stories that comprise our being.

And when you read fiction, you can start to piece together your story more cohesively through the consumption of a fictional one.

A New Perspective On Empathy

When I read fiction, my ability to see the world and empathize with other people changes drastically.

Every person I now walk by on the street no longer looks like some robot, blending in with every other person who I’ve never developed a relationship with.

Instead, they all look like a composition of stories.

Within these stories are tales of heartbreak, trauma, depression and suffering—but also tales of triumph, peace, love, and achievement.

And somewhere within these stories, we can both cross the same chasm of consciousness, meet within them, and realize that, yeah, we are both fundamentally flawed people that share many aspects of humanity.

When that happens, it becomes an absolute joy to try to see the character this human is most closely related to from my favorite fictional pieces.

And now, I’m able to find these stories much easier—and that makes my ability to connect with others easier.

Improved Creative Output

Telling a good story within my videos is probably the best way to make a potential viewer be impacted by the video, as well as increase the chance of the video performing well.

By reading fiction consistently, I am constantly finding new and better ways to tell my stories, so that they are not only easier to comprehend, but also easier to resonate with.

On top of that, a good fiction book has an incredible way of transporting me into the world built within it.

I temporarily lose my sense of self, and basically start hallucinating this fantasy realm (which, is sometimes very similar to reality—but other times not much at all), which gives me a unique way to look at my problems, and explore new possibilities.

I try not to limit myself to just one type of genre within fiction either to amplify this effect.

A Surprisingly Good Way To Fall Asleep

My theory for why reading 10 minutes of fiction before bed is so good for falling asleep probably has some scientific evidence backing it up, but I’d rather just try to explain it to you in my own way.

I’ve struggled with intrusive overthinking before bed for years.

It’s like I just can’t shut my brain off when my head hits the pillow.

But if I just read a little bit of fiction, it takes my mind off of all my own real-world problems, if only for a moment—and my brain finally shuts itself up, due to that transportation into a new reality that I explained in the last point.

My Favorite Fiction Books

Here are my favorite fiction books I’ve read, that have had the biggest positive influence on me:

1. Zorba The Greek (novel) - An amazing story of a writer and an old man, going on adventures within Greece. The old man teaches lessons to the young writer that I still think about years later.

2. The Martian (sci-fi) - An intense story of a man stranded on Mars, and the incredible innovations he creates to survive.

3. Dune (sci-fi) - One of the best and most vast world-building stories in all of fiction. Can’t even really explain it. Just read it.

4. Ready Player One (sci-fi) - Where virtual reality becomes more real than reality itself—very relevant to present day.

5. Berserk (dark fantasy manga) - A very, very brutal story of a man whose entire life is suffering, and how he continues to struggle on through the horrible atrocities of life, even after losing everything important to him. (This manga is very graphic, but it changed my life. Read at your own risk.)

Hopefully this inspires you to place more fiction books into your reading arsenal.

And FYI: You don’t have to stop reading non-fiction completely. Just try to re-read a few of the best ones, or get into very hyper-specific topics within self-help.

When Generic Self-Help Advice Doesn’t Work

As I explained before, most self-help books are just the same information, packaged differently.

And the same information packaged differently probably won’t have any real significant impact on your life.

In fact, it might even do the opposite—it will probably just fuel your current frustration with yourself, because even after reading, and reading, and reading…..nothing changes.

Many of you are currently stuck in a state of self-sabotage.

Of binge watching self help YouTube videos, reading self-help books, and thinking to yourself, "Okay, this is finally the day everything changes."

The motivation to take action is strong, and you feel yourself developing into a newer, more self-aware identity.

But after a while, that motivation wears off, and you're back to where you always started.

Why does this happen?

It happens because:

1. You are unable to accept yourself as you are right now.

2. You don't have access to the most in depth information that is specifically tailored to you (and not a social media audience.)

3. The only person that is trying to hold you accountable is yourself (and that will almost always fail.)

4. You aren’t using something that forces you to take immediate action—and instead, use self-help like it’s brain candy.

If you want to truly master yourself for good, gain more self awareness surrounding your self doubt, and you want to join a community of like minded individuals all looking to improve, you should check out my Ultimate Self Mastery Course.

The course features 14 videos with 15+ worksheets, a guided meditation, and an exclusive community where we all hold each other accountable and give further advice.

This course is a culmination of years of research on behavioral science, psychology, and of course, trial and error from my own life.

Being able to actually apply the advice you receive, and get consistent feedback from like-minded people are probably the two most important factors in seeing permanent change.

And I’m guessing you currently feel like you can’t talk to anyone in real life about your struggles with self development, right?

That’s why our community meets in a group coaching call every other week to make sure we are all staying on the path towards self mastery.

Here's a picture from one of our recent calls:

So If you're ready to join our community and see lasting change, you can check out all the details by clicking here.

Watch the intro video on that page to see if the course is right for you.

Hope to see you in the community.

Quote of The Week

Thanks for reading, everyone. Hope you enjoy your weekend.

-Cole