Feeling Undeserving Of Love? Read This.

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Where Does Self Love Come From?

One of my favorite things to do to break down someone’s concept of self love is to ask deeper and deeper questions until their entire idea of self love gets shattered.

So let’s do that now.

Let’s start with someone who believes this:

I can’t love myself, and I don’t feel I am worthy of being loved.

This is what I’d ask: What’s stopping you from loving yourself right now?

They say: My lack of achievements, my looks, and my social skills.

Okay, let’s break each of these down.

Lack of achievements: Who taught you that lacking achievements means you’re unworthy of love?

Sure, there’s gotta be some innate reward system built into us that makes us feel good when we have proved we are progressing in life as quickly (or quicker) than other people our age.

But most of that belief comes from societal expectations.

Expectations that state you must have a certain amount of money, friends, job status, etc. by a certain age.

I’m willing to bet strict parents who only gave love under the condition that you made them proud were also part of the problem too.

And if it’s a belief, that means it can be changed.

Now: Your looks.

Who taught you that you must look a certain way in order to be deserving of love?

Other people, of course.

Yes, you’re comparing your looks to everyone almost all the time. We do this for similar reasons why we try to build achievements.

Comparison is natural, and at times can offer motivation.

But again, if you’re someone who deeply struggles with self-love, your system of comparison is overriding your internal control to change your beliefs.

(And that’s not to say that you shouldn’t try to take care of yourself, btw.)

Lastly: Social skills.

Can’t easily talk to other humans? Feeling threatened by other people’s presence? Are they intimidating?

Again, almost definitely a result of bad experiences that programmed you to be afraid of human interaction, which you then compared to everyone else’s ability to talk to people, which then made you conclude, “Well, if I can’t get along with anyone as well as the average person can, and people find me weird, then I must be worth less than the average human.”

Through an endless game of weighing your skills against others, and creating your beliefs based on how other humans base self-love on, you’ve convinced yourself you will never be “enough” in any area.

So now comes the solution.

It involves:

• A reprogramming of what “deserving of love” means

• Small steps to build some evidence

• Frequent reminders to reinforce the beliefs

Really, truly look at what your defintion of “deserving of love” is.

If there’s nowhere in that definition that allows you to accept where you’re at right now, even if you don’t like where you’re at, positive change will always seem impossible.

Create a new definition of self-love, that allows the potential for it to develop through more internal means.

Allow your new self, with this new definition you create, to guide your old self to make it realize how much you are actually capable of.

And start with the first smallest step you can do to create some positive momentum.

Reflect on these wins you accumulate, and soon, that old, self-hating identity you thought would define your life, will be just a memory you look back on.

I understand that this process can feel daunting, especially when doing it by yourself.

Having a structured guideline to make this into a reality, and being surrounded by people who will make you realize your worth will ensure you reach that new, self-loving identity.

And that is why I created my Self Mastery School.

Self Mastery School is a place for those who want to actualize their greatest potential, strengthen their self awareness, and develop a fulfilling life philosophy.

It’s designed to help you stop the cycle of negative thoughts, and grow past your current identity that is afraid of change, growth, and stepping out of your comfort zone.

When you join the school, you’ll get access to:

• Full length courses/eBooks (including my Ultimate Self Mastery Course)

• Weekly coaching calls and lectures (related to self-awareness, making money online, social skills, etc.)

• An exclusive community of ambitious, open-minded people

• In person meetups (coming soon)

It’s a place for those who feel like they can’t talk to anyone about self-improvement in real life, and are trying to find their tribe.

The friendships in there feel genuine.

And I have a feeling you’re going to find your tribe in there, too.

Here's some wins from our community:

I’ll see you in there.

Quote of The Week

Thanks for reading, everyone. Hope you enjoy your weekend.

-Cole