Are They Really Your Friends?

Self-Improvement Loneliness

If you’ve started carving out your own path towards unconventional success, you’ve probably experienced it.

The friends you had that were once so easy get along with, start to become distant—at least, distant in relatability.

It only seems like the natural cause of things.

You are evolving as a person. They aren’t doing the same work.

So why should you remain friends with them if they are only going to slow you down?

This is a very common belief within the self-help space—that all your old friends are nothing but hinderances.

But I think it’s much more complicated than that.

Remove Them All

Here’s the first, most common big claim:

If they aren’t pursuing a higher path, constantly trying to get better every single day, remove them from your life immediately.

This is much too blanketed of a statement to always ring true.

Yes, who you surround yourself with plays a massive impact on your energy/success levels.

And if you find that every time you are around these people, you feel drained of your creative juice, and uninspired to go and do something great, then yes, that may be a sign you should move on.

But not everyone in your life has to be thinking and running the same lifestyle as you in order to be considered a friend.

I have plenty of friends who aren’t in the “grind 24/7 hustle sigma” mindset, that I genuinely feel really good to be around.

Sometimes, we might just hang out at the park, or do some other activity completely unrelated to improvement.

What’s often neglected in your self-improvement journey is the value of having great friends who fuel your self-acceptance.

The ones who are enjoying their lives as they are right now, and aren’t relentlessly trying to push past their limits (like a lot of us.)

Being around THAT type of energy can sometimes be just as beneficial as being around those who make you want to bust through a wall and run a marathon.

Especially if you’ve had struggled with self-acceptance for the majority of your life (which, unfortunately, is why many people end up getting into self-improvement in the first place.)

Remove Most Of Them

Here’s the next, slightly less common claim:

If the only way you can bear to be around them is if you are using drugs/playing video games/other activity, they aren’t really your friends.

This has far more validity behind it, but is more difficult to spot.

For instance, you might have friends that you have been hanging out with since you were young.

And when you were young, you guys did a whole myriad of activities.

But as time went by, and you took on more responsibilities, the amount of activities that were actually viable based on your schedules dwindled.

And now, you might only be able to talk to your friends when you have time to hop on discord and game, watch a movie, or go to a bar.

Here’s what I would say: If your entire friendship was built upon one activity, that activity produced a net negative to your life, and the friendship never evolved past that…

Then maybe you guys aren’t friends with each other, and rather, all have one common interest that you just end up doing together.

But if you all had a relationship before the only activity you now have time for, or you guys do a lot of different activities (and it’s a good time regardless of what you do), then I would say these are still your friends.

Again, I don’t think the end-all-be-all metric for whether someone can be considered a friend or not is “if they are grinding entrepreneurship or self-improvement like me.”

After all, is that not the same as the friendships that are only based on a singular drug? (Albeit, a much healthier drug.)

To me, a friend is a true friend if they hit most of these points:

What Makes A Friend

• If, when you are with them, you feel energized instead of sapped.

• You don’t feel like you can hide many things (if any) from them, and they won’t judge you for those things

• They give it to you straight and are honest—if something you’re doing is clearly not good for your life, they will tell you.

• You can do almost anything with them and find a way to have a good time

• They will support any improvement endeavors, even if it’s not what most people consider to be “cool” or “normal

The Grounding Effect Of Great Friends

So you see, true friendship is rarely about needing the exact same goals and aspirations.

It’s almost always about the support they give you, their willingness to reciprocate nice actions, and just make life more enjoyable and meaningful.

That might take on the form of self-improvement.

Or it might take on the form of self-acceptance.

Either way, friends should feel like an enhancement—and not as something you do just so you don’t feel less lonely or isolated.

The next time you watch something that is trying to convince you that your friends aren’t you friends, remember what I said here.

And maybe, you’ll find out that they really are your friends after all.

Finding The Right Community

One of the most difficult things when getting into self-improvement is feeling that isolation that I described earlier.

You may have friends closer to the self-acceptance friends I described earlier, but having another group of friends trying to self-improve will catapult your abilities and growth as a person.

Through many YouTube uploads, I realized just how many of you struggle finding friends with similar self-improvement interests.

So I wanted to create that community where we could all inspire each other and keep each other accountable, while following the same curriculum that leads us to self mastery.

If you want to truly master yourself for good, gain more self awareness surrounding your self doubt, and you want to join a community of like minded individuals all looking to improve, you should check out my Ultimate Self Mastery Course.

The course features 14 videos with 15+ worksheets, a guided meditation, and an exclusive community where we all hold each other accountable and give further advice.

This course is a culmination of years of research on behavioral science, psychology, and of course, trial and error from my own life.

Being able to actually apply the advice you receive, and get consistent feedback from like-minded people are probably the two most important factors in seeing permanent change.

And I’m guessing you currently feel like you can’t talk to anyone in real life about your struggles with self development, right?

That’s why our community meets in a group coaching call every other week to make sure we are all staying on the path towards self mastery.

It’s also been an incredible way for everyone to open up about things that they have been going through, and get feedback and advice without judgement.

And because of that, the friendships in there feel genuine.

It’s easily the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever created.

Here's a picture from one of our recent calls:

So If you're ready to join our community, finally have that rare group of inspiring people you’ve been struggling to find in real life, and see lasting change, you can check out all the details by clicking here.

Watch the intro video on that page to see if the course is right for you.

Hope to see you in the community.

Quote of The Week

Thanks for reading, everyone. Hope you enjoy your weekend.

-Cole