The Real Reason You Feel So Powerless

Happy belated Thanksgiving, everyone. Just wanna take a quick second to give my thanks to you. To be able to constantly pursue higher learning, stretch my creative limits, and positively impact others through it all is a blessing I will never take for granted. I only hope that I can give as much value to your life as you’ve given me.

Now, for today’s topic.

The Desire For Power

One of our most innate callings is to have control over our surroundings.

And one of the most desirable traits that is in congruence with control is obtaining some amount of power.

When we typically think of a powerful person, we might imagine someone who is physically superior, having financial prosperity, and an ability to influence a large portion of the population.

But a recent experience at a gathering with friends made me realize that you don’t have to have any of that in order to feel the power you really want.

Just a couple days ago, my childhood friend hosted his annual “Friendsgiving” dinner; A house party with all my buddies from high school, where we eat, give updates on our lives, and fully process the passage of time through our slightly more aged faces.

It was nearing the end of the party, and all that slight awkwardness that one usually experiences after trying to reengage with an old friend had withered away.

As a group of us stood in a circle around the kitchen island littered with empty cups and half-drunken bottles of liquor, we started to list off the names of the people who hadn’t shown up to Friendsgiving within the past year or two.

And eventually, the name of an old friend’s grandpa, Robert, came up. (His name is not actually Robert, but I’m going to keep the real name anonymous.)

For our other friends, the reasons behind them not coming were related to work, or that we had some sort of falling off with them within the past couple years.

But the reason Robert was no longer present, was because he had just passed away this year.

Although the passing of someone who had such an important place in the lives of my friends should’ve been a cause for sadness, not a single person had on a sullen face. If anything, bringing up his name only lightened up the mood even further.

“Just four days before he died, he was playing golf. No one had any idea it was going to happen”, my friend’s mom (who was hosting the party) said.

“When I eventually go out, that would probably be the perfect way to do it”, her son (and my close friend) replied.

The conversation then journeyed through all the memories of what Robert had done for my friends when they were young–stories of him picking all of us up when we were belligerently drunk at age 17 (when we couldn’t call our own parents at the risk of getting scolded),  of times when he’d get into scrums with other parents over the high school baseball games, and many other instances that highlighted his dedication to help us in any way he could.

At one of his last appearances at Friendsgiving, he gave a speech late into the party–to an audience similar to the size and sentimentality of our current group–on the importance of cherishing the friendships we had fortified.

He stated, “Over the years, you’ll gain some friends, and you’ll lose some friends. You’ll have friends that move away that you’ll never see again, or you’ll never hear from them again and you won’t know why. What you’ve all got here is special, so never take it for granted until the day you die.” My one friend recalled several other friends starting to tear up during his speech.

That’s fucking powerful.

To have an entire group of people talking about you in their most sentimental and heartwarming moments around the holidays is a sign of immense power.

You don’t need to accumulate an absurd amount of money. Robert was never someone with obscene wealth.

You don’t need to impose your will onto other people to demonstrate your power. Robert was always thinking about the needs of others, along with his own.

You just need to have the ability create memories in other people’s minds.

People seldom remember you for your accolades, achievements and wealth.

They remember you for how you made them feel.

To have power over others–in the least intrusive way–is to occupy their mind in a positive way long after you’re gone.

That is the difference between gaining power in your soul, as opposed to gaining power in your ego.

And you can only do that if you’ve done things for them that they’ll never forget.

Selflessly giving value implies you’ve worked hard on yourself to guarantee your own security.

In other words, you’ve already done the “selfish” work needed to have the resources/time to give relentlessly.

So if you feel powerless right now, it’s likely that it’s because you’re either too young, or you haven’t accumulated enough self-confidence, self-actualization, and inwardly love to no longer have to focus so intensely on your own survival.

But regardless of where you’re at, you can start to provide some sort of value and positive influence to people–no matter how small the gestures might seem.

With this approach of gaining power, there will no doubt be people who will try to take advantage of your kindness.

So it’s important to remember to never lose the self-respect needed to say “no” when necessary, while at the same time, not just doing nice things for people because you expect something in return–a very delicate procedure.

But eventually, it will get to the point where it’ll feel weird to NOT want to provide and give love to others.

And that’s when you’ll know that your imprint on the world will be unfading, even long after the life from your body fades away.

Rest in peace, Robert.

Doing The Inner Work

As I grow older, and I continue to reach ever higher heights within myself, and with my purpose, feeling this power within my soul has become significantly easier.

But it took years of introspection, reflection, facing my demons, and gaining the strength to handle life’s adversities in order to get to this point.

And that might be the scariest, most confusing thing you can do…

But self-mastery is truly, the most rewarding undertaking of one’s life.

If you want to truly master yourself for good, feel your power reach distances far longer than just your physical body, and you want to join a community of like minded individuals all looking to improve, you should check out my Ultimate Self Mastery Course.

The course features 14 videos with 15+ worksheets, a guided meditation, and an exclusive community where we all hold each other accountable and give further advice.

This course is a culmination of years of research on behavioral science, psychology, and of course, trial and error from my own life.

Being able to actually apply the advice you receive, and get consistent feedback from like-minded people are probably the two most important factors in seeing permanent change.

And I’m guessing you currently feel like you can’t talk to anyone in real life about your struggles with self-development, right?

That’s why our community meets in a group coaching call every other week to make sure we are all staying on the path towards self mastery.

It’s also been an incredible way for everyone to open up about things that they have been going through, have accountability surrounding the habits we are trying to build/remove, and get feedback and advice without judgement.

And because of that, the friendships in there feel genuine.

It’s easily the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever created.

Here's some recent wins from our community:

Watch the intro video on that page to see if the course is right for you.

Hope to see you in the community.

Quote of The Week

Thanks for reading, everyone. Hope you enjoy your weekend.

-Cole