The Only Person Stopping You Is You

The Best (and Worst) Bias You Have

You’re on a first date with a person you met through a dating app.

The conversation hasn’t ventured into any topics too deep, but you seem to be getting along with them quite nicely.

Maybe a little too nicely.

You start to overanalyze. You misinterpret some of their body signals and interests as signs that this person would eventually start to resent you if you were to pursue this any further.

And you search for a way to purposefully sabotage what could’ve been something special.

Perhaps this exact thing has happened to you, or you can relate to the idea of sabotaging something without having a deeper understanding why.

This was most likely due to your confirmation bias.

We naturally tend to look for information that confirms what we already believe to be true—hence, why it’s called confirmation bias.

The reason we do this is because:

• It’s much easier for our brain to use biases to process information (so it can conserve energy on more important things)

• We naturally hate being wrong (hurts our ego)

But that bias towards conserving brain power is most likely the reason you haven’t yet gotten what you want out of your life.

In other words: You’re in your own way.

If you truly believe you deserve a shitty life—that is, you have a bias towards a negative self-perception—your brain will naturally look for events, circumstances and thoughts that confirm that bias.

And you will seek out more things (like self-sabotaging behaviors) that reinforce that bias so your brain can keep using the same amount of limited energy.

If you think you aren’t deserving of love, you will scour through your partners’ life to find something that shows they don’t love you like they say they do, just to confirm this belief.

Or if you’re not in a relationship, you might find a way to sabotage the prospect of one (just like the example I used.)

What you see and experience most in the world is almost always a reflection of the biases you hold about yourself, and how the world works.

This isn’t to say the world can’t be objectively cruel a lot of the time.

The title of this newsletter (The only person stopping you is you) is an oversimplified version of how the world actually works.

Things are unfair. And you could be in a hole much deeper than the average person, that makes it feel like there’s no way of climbing out of it.

But it’s likely that:

• That hole is not as deep as you think

• Your brain is making the hole seem inescapable because it secretly wants to keep you there (so it can keep it’s biases in check)

The antidote to this?

1. Recognize your biases through self reflection

2. Use the extra brain power your brain doesn’t want you to use to search for things that go AGAINST your negative beliefs/biases

3. Provide the evidence that your negative biases are wrong through repeated positive action

This is why change feels so hard. You’re basically telling your biased brain, “Hey, you know all those things you think you know about me and the world? Yeah, they could be wrong. Or they probably are.”

And your own brain will try to shut that thought down in order to save it’s perception of yourself (your ego).

But it’s lying to you. It doesn’t realize that it can be saved if you rewire the biases to something more positive through consistent action and work.

In the same way you distort reality to affirm you don’t deserve a great life, partner, or job, you can start distorting your reality to search for more positive biases (when it’s useful).

And eventually, those positive biases will become a part of objective reality.

Some of these biases/beliefs might take years to reprogram.

Others might only take months.

Either way, you NEED to start viewing your external reality as a reflection of the beliefs you hold to be most true about yourself, if you want to start the process of breaking the bias.

This next sentence is not a bias.

You ARE capable of making this change.

Now get up, and do the necessary work for your brain to start believing it.

The Space For Reflection

It took me years of self reflection, awareness, and consistent positive daily effort to start to rewire my brain to look for opportunities to grow, instead of reasons to keep me in the cycle of self-destruction.

But in doing so, I became the type of person that cannot be swayed by almost any sort of setback, failure, or wrong-doing.

I wanted to create a complete resource for you to learn every technique I’ve used to become the most mentally, physically and financially fulfilled I’ve ever been.

A resource that dives into the issue of having a negative self-bias in much greater depths.

And that is why I created my self mastery school.

The Ultimate Self Mastery School is a place for those who want to actualize their greatest potential, strengthen their self awareness, build better habits, and develop a fulfilling life.

The school features 14 videos with 15+ worksheets, a guided meditation, and an exclusive community where we all hold each other accountable and give further advice.

It’s a culmination of years of research on behavioral science, psychology, and of course, trial and error from my own life.

And it’s specifically designed for those who want to go deeper than superficial YouTube videos/articles, make close friends who uplift them, and gain a better understanding of themselves.

Being able to actually apply the advice you receive, and get consistent feedback from like-minded people are probably the two most important factors in seeing permanent change.

And I’m guessing you currently feel like you can’t talk to anyone in real life about your struggles with self-development, right?

That’s why our community meets in a group coaching call every other week to make sure we are all staying on the path towards self mastery.

It’s also been an incredible way for everyone to open up about things that they have been going through, have accountability surrounding the habits we are trying to build/remove, and get feedback and advice without judgement.

And because of that, the friendships in there feel genuine.

It’s easily the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever created.

Here's some recent wins from our community:

Watch the intro video on that page to see if the course is right for you.

Hope to see you in there.

Quote of The Week

Thanks for reading, everyone. Hope you enjoy your weekend.

-Cole